Another baby has always been in the plan for our little family. And Lord knows I love a "plan". Something I did not plan for; however, is joining a club I had no interest in being a part of, or walking the devastating path that so many women have walked before. And it's impossible to acknowledge this precious little baby growing inside me without thinking of the baby we lost. We were in the midst of tragedy and thought a glimmer of light was shining through the darkest days we've ever faced, but instead the waters just continued to rise.
In the days and weeks that followed, I managed to occupy every free minute. After all, life stops for nothing when you have 2 kids that rely on you for their every need. The grief continues to reveal itself in small ways as time goes on, but above all the whole experience left me with an even greater realization of what tremendous gifts fertility and motherhood are. My heart physically hurts for anyone facing those struggles.
I blinked my eyes and we were pregnant again, but I wasn't prepared for the anxiety that accompanies a rainbow pregnancy. It was an utterly brutal first trimester with symptoms lasting weeks into the second. But somehow it quieted my anxious mind to "feel" this pregnancy so much-assurance that it was real.
So here we are just about halfway through this pregnancy-happy, excited, full of anticipation {surprise gender!}, and oh.so.grateful.
